Friday, April 21, 2023

Have you been dealing with lifelong hurts? Something that causes you so much pain that you feel like you can’t breathe. You wonder where God is—does he know your suffering? I bet many of you have experienced this type of heartache. I have too.

My mom was shot and killed in a robbery when I was sixteen. The man who killed her was found guilty and sentenced to the death penalty. Unfortunately, if the death penalty is ever revoked, he would be eligible for parole. 

He’s had appeal after appeal over the last 40 years. There have been so many ups and downs, and at times it seemed like this would never end. It often felt like the criminal had more rights than the victim. 

But as I’ve traveled this difficult road, I’ve come to learn God absolutely does know your suffering. He loves you so much. I urge you to trust him and surrender it all to him. Things can turn out even better than you imagine, and God can use it for his glory. 

Ephesians 3:20-21
²⁰ Now all glory to God, who is able, through his mighty power at work within us, to accomplish infinitely more than we might ask or think. ²¹ Glory to him in the church and in Christ Jesus through all generations forever and ever.

In December of 2022, the court ruled that my Mom’s murderer would have to be resentenced because of a technical error. There was no doubt about his guilt, but he became eligible for parole. I sobbed. I prayed. I cried out to God, wondering “Now what?” 

I’d originally decided not to go to court. I had never seen my mom’s killer in person. Slowly, however, God changed my mind. He helped me realize how much fear I had lived with all these years. He called me to finally surrender it all to him. God wanted me to face the killer and my fears. I wouldn’t be alone; he would be right there with me.

The day of court arrived. My husband and brother were there with me. We were assigned the most amazing victim advocate, Vera. She said to me, “I know this was difficult for you. I know you struggled, but I am so glad you're here.” I knew immediately she was a Christian. I felt God’s loving arms wrapped around me.  

A short time later, I stood at the prosecutor's table and gave my victim impact statement. Vera was at my side, holding my hand. I spoke clearly, and a few times, looked him right in the face. I talked about the pain the killer had caused and how he not only took our mom but destroyed our family. I spoke about how Jesus has forgiven me and how he has called me to forgive the killer. I told him I prayed he would find Jesus. I let him know there was a difference between forgiveness and justice, and I hoped he would spend his life in prison. I gave him a Bible and Jesus Calling by Sarah Young.

God freed me! I am so thankful. It was exhausting and, yet, so amazing. I surrendered it all to Jesus, and it turned out better than I could have imagined. I am so overwhelmed by Jesus’ deep love

Two days ago, I got a letter from the parole board notifying me that the killer will go before the parole board in July. It was the first time I didn’t cry. Instead, I smiled and thanked Jesus for being with me during this whole journey and pulling me closer to him. I don’t know how this will turn out in the future. But I trust God.

Romans 8:28
And we know that God causes everything to work together for the good of those who love God and are called according to his purpose for them.

Questions:
What pain are you holding on to? How can you fully surrender it to God? Have you seen God work miracles in your life? How might you be able to use your difficult experiences to help others?

Next Steps:

Read and meditate on Ephesians 3:20-21. Each day write down three things God has blessed you with. Thank him and praise him for all your blessings. Surrender all your pain to him and let him heal you. 

Prayer:
Jesus, I praise and worship you! Your power is at work within me to accomplish infinitely more than I might ask or think. You are amazing! Thanks for changing me and freeing me from my pain. You have saved me. I am awed by your great love for me. Lord, you have a perfect plan, and I trust you. Give me the opportunity and desire to share with others my story and lead them to you. Amen.